For The Guys: How To Do Valentines Day

Unfortunately it is that time of the year again! Yes, people. Valentines Day. The time of year when no one is excited to be " single and ready to mingle". It's also the time of the year when guys are expected to spend a bunch of money/time and girls are expected to give out the best vagina they can offer.

Warning: None of this is REALLY necessary for you to get vagina on Valentines Day, as long as your with a girl on this day you are PRETTY much guaranteed to get some BUT hey why not make it interesting? **Also , if you actually give a fuck about the person you're spending Valentines day with, MOST of this shit won't apply to you.

I have put together some last minute cheap things the you guys can do to lock in your opportunity for some grade A+ vagina.

1. Get creative/sentimental : Break out the elmer's glue but don't sniff it  and get some glitter darling!
-Make her a card with your left over Crayola crayons/markers from 3rd grade and fill it with some love quotes via Google! No matter how crappy it is, it's going to be looked at as "cute"..

2. Make her some form of food! Choose one:

- Look in you frig and and make her dinner with the left overs from last night, BUT put it on the plate all nice and fancy like! AND take all the credit for the meal of course.

- Take your ass down to your local grocery store and get some cake mix and frosting and make her a cake/cupcake. 

- if you're so broke that you can't afford some cake mix, or dont have any 5 star left overs. Last choice is to make her peanut butter and jelly sandwich at home and cut in the shape of a heart. ( chessy and disgusting, YES but she won't care)

3. Introduce her to a key family member: Take her to meet your mom, grandma, or aunt. Or any family member for that matter. Why? It creates the allusion that she's special. And what happens when girls feel special? their undies drop to their ankles . Which is the point of all this right !?

Their SO expensive especially on Valentines Day, 50dollars for some roses that are gonna die in a day?  FUCK that, all of it, and FUCK it hard. Plus you're broke! Solution? There are FREE flowers! Where? go to the mall, park, neighbors yard, WHERE EVER and pick flowers right out of the ground.

1. If you have more than one bitch and must fit them all in one day, it's simple! Have a breakfast date, Lunch date and Dinner date. Of course make sure the main bitch gets the dinner!

Excuse to the breakfast/lunch bitches why you're not spending the night with them?

1. I have school or work. ( duh, no bitch is gonna agrue/question that, if she does FUCK her. literally & figureatively)

2. My mom is my valentine, every year i take my mom out to dinner for valentines day.

Excuse to dinner bitch why you're not spending the entire day with her?

1. you're preparing all day for the date.

* if you gave so many bitches that you can't fit in all of them in one day, spend the days before with them. Tell them that you want to count down til valentines day with them. Then on valentines day fake a tragic extended family member emergency an hour away from where you live.

If you live in Long Beach " Omg, my mom's friends sister was put in the hospital and i have to take my mom down to Fontana for support" Make the place far so that it seems like you have no time to go there and back in time to spend valentines day with her.

Which applies to few of us, this will be so easy and cheesy for you! Do the classic: buy/send flowers, teddy bears, chocolate, movies, dinner, jewelry. I've only met ONE girl in this whole wide world who wouldn't like this, who? LAUREN of course, but she's a total fag daddy who doesn't count.So chances are you girl will be smitten.

BUT to tell the truth all this is fine and dandy but if you are balling and actually care about the girl you're dating or fucking you should but some thought into it by adding something sentimental but also purchasing a good gift so that you don't seem cheap, cos being cheap is NOT sexy!

If you're dating a weed head a gift like so would be VERY appreciated, plus i'm sure you could leech of it also so it would be a gift for the both of yous :

If you're lucky enough to be dating a freak in the sheets, get her some sex toys! there ain't NOTHING, NOTHEN in this world like an orgasm, so why not help her get as many as possible WITH or WITHOUT you: 

If you're dating the girlie girl get her some juicy, it's so inexpensive and cute, plus you can get different charms and what not to personalize it, every girl loves a good piece of jewelry: 

Welp, that's about it. At the end of the day all of this boils down to "its the thought that counts" which goes PERFECT in situations like above. Good luck getting vagina that is next to the best that you'll get this whole year. Why isn't it the best? because you still have your birthday to look forward to and bitches show out on those days =]

Born This Way Gave Birth!!!

 After months of anticipation, Mizz Gaga has finally taken my ears to a 90's disco party with Born This Way! It's a gay athem. It's a self-esteem booster. It's reasurance. It's EVERYTHANG. Granted, it's no Bad Romance, but this is SO much more. This is an ANTHEM. I mean, the last anthem was Single Ladies and I wasn't even single at the time so I couldn't rejoice in singledom. Now that i am single, listening to that makes me feel like I'm some lonely black woman extra on Poetic Justice who's just flaunting her singlness because she goes home to a cold dildo that was on the clearance rack at walmart. ANYWAYS, Born This Way gives me life, it brings back EXCITMENT to music. Lady Gaga is one of the only artists who understands the art of anticipation. The point is, whether or not you love it or hate it, (and i absolutely LUVES it) you still couldn't wait to hear what all the fuss was about.

Why are these things so catchy!

Ronald Isley and Rkelly must be some of the most uncool people to ever face the music industry BUT when the two come together they form an amazingly tacky ghetto hot mess mixture =]



"your contagious touch me baby, give me what you got " huh? Thats is some straight out nasty shit, i know i have a potty mouth, but that doesn't mean i want my vag the same way. Who the fuck do you know that opening invites STD's? Minus Suga Free's prostitutes in Pomona they don't count! Exactly! Plus i'm thinking, hmmm Rkelly saying this? Okay, he pissed on a 14 year old girl on camera, he's a nasty fuck. So i could see him wanting an STD. But Ronald Isley? He and Betty White were in the same class, he's in the last years of his life and should be proceeding in a cautious manner. at least that's what i think.



All though Mr. Kelly wasn't featured on the song the fact that he was still in the video was hilarious! Ronald caught her with the oldest trick in the book. " first you said dancing now you say shopping " Rule Number One: Remember and Stick to your lie. At least he was a nice guy and let her take her " Louis Vuitton " luggage and clothes cause if it were me? That skank would have come home and realized her clothes had a fling with a bottle of Clorox.




This was the first and the BEST Rkelly/Ronald Isley video. The girl on this one was fancy from the jamie foxx show, and we all wanted fancy to tickle our fancy! okay that was totally corny but you get the point this video chick is hot stuff ! AND i loved how fancy died in the end and not rkelly. * if your man is cheating and someone must die, kill him NOT her it's not her fault UNLESS she saw you kill him, then it's a two for one special.



This video and song is shit but it is unfortuantely still including in this Rkelly & Ronald Isley video playlist . *btw this is so unrealistic. No person looking like Kelly Price would get a guy like Rkelly not saying that he's even someone another person would want to get. but you get the jest of it!